


Till death do us part

by Jofi80



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Break Up, F/F, F/M, Heartbreak, Marriage, Multi, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:19:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29264160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jofi80/pseuds/Jofi80
Summary: Life was perfect.She had the wife, the children and the life she had always dreamed of..... until things began to change.What she had once considered to be perfect was in fact flawed, perhaps even broken beyond repair.....
Relationships: Alexandra Cabot/Jim Steele, Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Till death do us part

**Author's Note:**

> This is an Alex/Olivia story - it will be dark, unhappy and perhaps shocking to begin with. Alex will not be portrayed in a good light .... but maybe all is ot as it seems.

As the apartment door closed behind her Liv sighed into the surprising darkness and absolute silence that greeted her.  
Usually their apartment was full of noise, light and the aroma of food waiting be devoured.

She glanced quickly at her watch, wondering perhaps if she’d taken longer at the Paediatricians and then the pharmacy than she had previously thought.  
But as her watch confirmed, it was only 7pm. She had been gone just over 2 hours.

Weak coughs and murmurs erupted from the stroller in front of her, and she pushed it further into the dark apartment, hoping a tired Noah would quickly settle again.  
He was beyond exhausted, but he was fighting sleep with all the energy he had left in his little body.

“It’s ok honey, mommy’s got you, baby boy. It’s ok, shhhh, shhhh,” she whispered, not wanting to rouse him, but knowing how hearing her voice helped to settle him when he became distressed. 

And, as usual it worked. 

His deep brown eyes gazed tiredly up at her before just as quickly closing again peacefully.  
She ran her fingertips across his brow, moving his dark hair away from his face, as she simultaneously felt his forehead, searching for any signs of the temperature that had raged through his small body earlier that evening.  
It was only when she felt that it had somewhat receded did the tension fully leave her body, and she found herself sending a silent thank you to every single deity she could name.

It was whilst she was still slightly distracted that she heard a loud crash coming from the kitchen, swiftly followed by the sobs of what could only be her 5yr old daughter.  
As her heart almost leapt out of her chest in fear she grabbed her service weapon, glanced down at Noah to check that he was now fast asleep, before she ran as if her life depended on it.  
She burst her way into the dimly lit room, not giving one thought to her own safety if there was indeed an intruder in their home.  
Her only thought was that she needed to protect her family.

What actually greeted her, and caused her to rapidly reholster her gun beneath her jacket, was finding Evie surrounded by the remnants of broken china, cereal and milk which now littered the kitchen floor. 

But it was not that mess which kept her attention, it was the sight of her daughter’s hand that dripped with blood, swiftly followed by the desperate sob of “mommy!” that drew her into immediate action.

“Evie, baby, I need you to stay very still for mommy, ok? I’m going to come and get you.  
You stay right there, right on that spot, for Mommy, ok?” 

Her voice was calm, but her heart was racing.  
She watched as recognition flashed through Evie’s tear filled eyes and she nodded in encouragement at her daughter, as Evie solemnly lowered the foot that she had raised in a bid to reach her mommy.  
In her distress and desperation to reach Olivia, Evie had not realised that her foot would have landed on a sharp piece of broken pottery had she continued with the intended action.

“Hurts, mommy!” the little girl sobbed, tears now leaving her big blue eyes.

“I sowry mommy! I sowry!” she hiccupped through her sobs, looking at the mess around her and then back at her mother’s face, before flinching as if fearing her reaction. 

That terrified look on her daughter’s face shocked Olivia to her core.  
They had never, ever, physically punished their children, so for Evie to flinch away from her in fear caused alarm bells to ring loudly and repeatedly in her already racing mind.

“Honey, baby, look at me, look at mommy.  
You’re ok. It’s ok.”

Before Evie could become more agitated, or even blink, Olivia had crossed the kitchen, avoiding the mess and shards of China, and scooped her up, hugging her tenderly, whilst pressing kisses to her brown curls and whispering words of comfort in her ear.

“It’s ok, baby.  
It was an accident.  
Shh, shhh, I got you, mommy’s here, baby, I’m right here.” 

What her mind was really screaming to say was, where on earth is your momma?!?!  
But Evie was clinging to her as if her life depended on it, much like she had before Olivia had had to leave to take Noah to the Doctors.  
In fact, Evie had practically surgically attached herself to her the minute she had walked into the apartment with a very grumpy Noah crying in her arms, and she had begged to be allowed to go with them when it was time for them to leave.

They had always shared a special bond.  
At first Olivia had attributed it having been the one who had carried and given birth to the little girl she now cradled in her arms.  
But, she quickly discovered that it ran much deeper than that. 

Evie was her shadow, her constant, herself personified, even from birth.  
Before she could even walk or talk her eyes would follow Olivia every time she moved.  
Only Olivia’s voice could calm her, and all her reactions and emotions often mirrored her mothers.  
Her mutual sweet nature and kind heart only completed their link.

At first she had worried that Alex would feel jealous, or feel left out, but Alex had adored Evie from the minute the pregnancy test came out as positive. 

She had read every book she could find about babies and pregnancy and anything related to it.  
She doted on Olivia, barely wanting to let her wife out of her sight, or out of her arms. 

She wanted to document EVERYTHING!  
How Olivia was feeling, how big she was getting, or what she was craving (she kept the constant horniness and sex out of the ‘official’ records).  
But she loved how much Olivia craved her during her pregnancy.  
And she especially loved how curvaceous and even sexier Olivia’s body had become.  
They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other – which may not have been anything new for them – but this escalated them to a whole new level. 

It intensified everything. Every emotion. Every sensation. Every connection. And EVERY orgasm!

Olivia had been worried that maybe Alex would find her less attractive during, but especially after her pregnancy had ended – but she was wrong.  
Alex had touched her, worshipped her, consoled and caressed her. 

Even when sex was off the table for them in the weeks after the birth, Alex could be found rubbing cream and oil on the stretch mark’s that could only be seen in Olivia’s mind.  
As well as sourcing a recipe for, and then making, an organic nipple oil to help with the chaffing and cracks due to persistent breast feeding. 

She was up for every feed, marvelling at their child and the wife that gently cradled her.   
If anything needed to be done, then Alex Cabot would do it – in a heartbeat.  
Olivia would even sometimes find her fast asleep by the crib or bassinet, having not wanted to take her eyes off of the baby that held her heart in its hands, until sheer exhaustion had forced her to do so.

And over time, Evie and Alex also developed and shared their own special bond and interests ..... or at least they ‘did’.... once. 

Because now was an entirely different matter.

Where Olivia could be seen as practical and down to earth, Alex was girly and feminine – they were the perfect balance.

So when Evie followed in Alex’s ‘girlie footsteps’, as Olivia jokingly referred to it, revelling in playing dress-up, helping Alex pick dresses and shoes and happily playing for hours with dolls or with Alex’s make-up, she was glad for the unshakeable and unique bond the 2 had created between them.

She loved watching the excitement and happiness on their faces as Alex and Evie could often be found curled up together, reading stories of princes and princesses - which Alex always adapted (unknown by her young daughter) to feature strong, fearless and self confident women – a trait Olivia knew without a shadow of a doubt that Evie would grow to be, thanks to Alex’s unwavering love and guidance. 

So when Olivia took Evie to baby tumble tots, kick boxing or karate, Alex balanced it by teaching her the piano and encouraging her at ballet class – joking that she could be the first ‘ninja’ sugarplum fairy the National Ballet had ever seen. 

Their shared connections warmed Olivia’s heart.... and as a consequence, it made her love her wife all that much more deeply.

And when Noah had finally been adopted, despite all of the pain and heartache at his entrance into the world, Olivia had thought that their family was complete. 

For the first time in her life she felt whole.

She had everything that she had ever wanted, everything that she had never dared hope, or to believe that she would ever have ..... or more importantly, deserve to have.

But somewhere along the line, it changed.  
Alex had changed.  
And then everything had.

Her brief reminiscing rescinded as Evie snuggled more firmly into her mother’s embrace, the pain in her finger momentarily forgotten, until she caught sight of the blood now soaking into her mother’s shirt.

Liv could feel the tension return in force in her daughter’s small body, and she cradled her tighter, before placing her gently on the countertop and reaching for her bloody hand.

“Let’s take a look, shall we? Hmmm?” she murmured softly, trying to keep the panic she felt at her daughter’s unexpected injury and the heartache at seeing her pain from seeping into her currently calm tone.

She reached for the kitchen roll before turning on the kitchen faucet and running the small red hand under the smooth flow of the cool water.  
Evie winced and turned her head away, not liking seeing the swirls of red flowing away down the drain, and especially not liking the throbbing pain that radiated from her finger.

Olivia was gentle as she checked the cut for any remnants or shards of glass, and as the water finally ran clearly down the drain, she could feel her anxiety ease.  
Thankfully it was just a superficial cut and something that she could easily deal with herself.

“Ok, honey – see, it’s ok,” she said, showing the finger to the blue-eyed girl that still looked frightened, and continued to sit frozen in place on the countertop.

“It’s just a little boo-boo, baby, mommy will fix you right up.”

She placed a soft kiss on the tip of the finger that was hurt, noting with satisfaction that the blood had now clotted and had stopped seeping out of the small cut.

“Let’s get you a band aid and then you can tell mommy what happened, ok?”

Evie nodded, somewhat reluctantly and bit her lip nervously.

“Baby, you’re not in any trouble,” she kissed Evie again, trying to reassure her, “but you know mommy and momma don’t want you in the kitchen alone. You remember that, right?”

Evie cocked her head, a signature Alex move, before she said in the same matter of fact tone that she had also picked up from her momma, “but I was hun-gree mommy.”

“You were hungry, huh?” Liv queried lightly, using Evie’s distraction to quickly dry and then wrap her finger in a pink, butterfly covered band aid.

“Yup!” Evie nodded, looking at her mother, her blue eyes conveying the unwavering truth of her words.  
Evie had been encouraged to never lie ..... until Alex had tried to make her.

“Did you eat all your dinner tonight, baby?” 

Evie looked away, and Olivia sighed, knowing the battles they had recently had at dinner time about getting Evie to eat.  
She could be so stubborn when she put her mind to it – another Alex character trait that she had acquired, as if by osmosis.

“Evie? Mommy’s asking you a question.”  
She tilted Evie’s head to turn those now cloudy and stormy blue eyes back in her direction.

“Momma didn’t give me any....”

Evie sobbed again and threw herself at Olivia, burying her head against the crook of her neck and clutching at the soft, and now stained, material of her shirt.

“I’m...” Evie hiccupped again, “hun...(hiccup) hun.... (hiccup) hun-gree, mom (hiccup)....mmy!”she sobbed, rubbing her little tear covered face against the familiar and comforting skin of her mothers neck.

“Evie, baby, look at me.”

She could feel Evie stubbornly shake her head against her neck, her fingers reaching between Olivia’s buttons to find more skin to comfort her.  
It was a gesture that made Olivia’s heart clench.  
It was a gesture that Evie only ever did when she was incredibly anxious or upset – and again it had increased in frequency for the last 6 months, around the same time her fussiness with food had started.

“Evie. I need you to look at mommy.”

Olivia tried again, lightly trying to untangle herself from her daughters tight grasp.

“No, mommy! No!”

“Ok baby. Ok,” she soothed, rubbing her shaking back and kissing her soft brown curls.

“How about we make you a sandwich to put in your hungry tummy, and then you can help mommy put Noah to bed, huh?”

“ ’kay mommy. Can I tells him a stor-ree?”

“Course you can, baby. Noah loves your stories, just like mommy and momma do.”

If Olivia hadn’t been watching the fidgeting little girl out of the side of her eye whilst making her a ham salad sandwich, she would have missed seeing her flinch slightly at the sound of her other mommy’s name.

“Honey .... where’s momma?  
Did she go out again?  
Is that why you’re here by yourself in the dark, baby girl?”

Olivia tried to keep her tone calm and somewhat nonchalant, not wanting to agitate her daughter any more than she already was.   
But the anger she felt at her wife’s latest actions and the consequences she was now left to deal with made it incredibly difficult for her.

She hated questioning her daughter like she would a person at the precinct, but she had no choice.  
Because it wouldn’t be the first time that Alex had deliberately left the children alone.

Less than 3 months ago Alex had left their 5yr old daughter, along with their 6month old son, alone in the apartment whilst she ran some errands.  
It was only by sheer dumb luck that Olivia had become made aware of it, that and the fact that Evie had been so conflicted and distraught at trying to hide something for the first time in her young life.

She had all but exploded in anger at her wife’s nonchalant, downright selfish and blatantly dangerous behaviour.  
In fact, it was still a bone of contention between them, and it had led to more than one night of stony silence that lingered into days between them.

After everything they saw and dealt with at work on a daily basis, she just couldn’t believe that Alex would be so ignorant or blasé to think it would be ok to leave a 5yr old in charge of a 6month old – especially so that she could go and run errands across the other side of town. 

And the fact that Alex steadfastly refused to apologise for doing it only fuelled the disharmony that now dictated their former harmonious marriage.

It also meant that Olivia was running herself ragged trying to ensure that the children were rarely left alone with just Alex..... because she just didn’t trust her judgement anymore.  
If she was honest with herself, she just didn’t trust her, full stop.

And that was something that Olivia NEVER thought that she would ever do. 

But, Olivia’s new found obsession for trying to be everywhere all at once suited Alex’s new role that she had carved out for herself in their household.

For some reason, known only to Alex herself, she had repeatedly distanced herself from both her wife, their children and their lives together.

She left Olivia to deal with everything, taking herself out of the equation of ‘family life’ as much as she possibly could. 

Even today, Olivia had cursed her selfish wife’s actions. 

She had been working a case, so far 48hrs straight, involving a serial rapist targeting young lesbian women, and so she had had no choice but to rely on Alex to help more with the children.

After dropping them off at their respective school and day care that morning, Alex had then palmed them off on her mother, claiming she had court so couldn’t possibly pick them up and disrupt her schedule – a lie which Olivia had easily discovered, but chose to say nothing about.

The second day Alex had tried everything she could to get out of picking the kids up from school and day care, resulting in a harried phone call at 9pm that evening from the centre saying that Evie had been dropped off by car service after school earlier that afternoon and that now both of the children were still waiting to be picked up.  
After multiple apologies, from both sides, Olivia had spend a good half hour tracking her wife down and then spent a further 45 minutes arguing with her how she needed to go and pick the kids up, whilst simultaneously trying to catalogue an active crime scene.

She knew that Alex was pushing her buttons.  
And ordinarily she would have already given in and gone to get them both herself.  
But like she said to Alex on the phone, she was the lead detective on this case and the only one available to attend the scene. 

And lord, had Alex erupted at her! 

Never had Alex verbally abused her as much as she did that night, and she seemed to revel in taking the low blows to an even lower level – questioning her dedication to their children.  
The irony was, that Olivia could hear from the background noise that Alex was either in a bar or a restaurant..... and her mind was definitely NOT on the children she had left in care until gone 10pm that evening.

Only the casual mention that she would have to ask Alex’s mother to collect them changed Alex’s resolve, as well as ended their ‘conversation' with a, “you fucking conniving bitch,” before Alex hung up.

And it was later the very next day, after complaining about interrupting her schedule to drop of the children again that morning, that Alex even turned up at the station.  
She demanded that Olivia ‘took responsibility' for ‘her own' children for once instead of expecting her to just drop everything to ‘cater to their whims' – like they were some strangers inconvenience to her.

Silence had fallen upon the SVU department as they watched Olivia take every verbal insult and derogatory comment that her wife could throw at her, not even once raising her voice or trying to defend herself.

It was only when Alex stomped out of the office as quickly as she had entered that anyone dare breathe again – and it was left to Elliot to broach what they had witnessed with his quiet and now brooding partner.

“Liv?”

She couldn’t meet his eyes.

“It been like that long?”

She shrugged at him in response.

“It ain’t right Liv, you know that. Not even what she just did ..... but what she’s been doing.”

It made her regret finally confiding in him what their life had become over the past few months.  
Sure, he was her best friend, but if truth be told she didn’t want him to see just how badly her family life had broken down.  
She felt ashamed, so she responded the only way she knew how ... with the anger she should have aimed at her wife.

“Stay out of it El, you have no right to comment on me, or MY wife!”

The goldfish look on his face would have made her chuckle, had it been aimed at anyone else but her, and in any other situation but this.

“You’re shitting me right?” he queried, scratching his several day old stubble and staring at her intently.

“I mean it El!  
I love you like a brother, but don’t force me to pick sides .... because you won’t like the answer you get.”

“What about Evie and Noah, those munchkins get a say in this shitshow? Or are they just collateral damage?

For fucks sake Liv! 

THIS ...” and he gestured at her passive and guarded body language, “.. isn’t you!   
Why are you defending HER, when she’s the one causing all of the upset!”

Despite her blazing eyes now staring at him he continued his monologue, unperturbed by her attempt to silence him.  
But he did lower his voice before he spoke again, not wanting Liv's business to be office gossip for the unknown masses.

“SHE LEFT THEM!   
She left them alone Liv!  
She’s been lying to you and hiding things from you for months now ..... but still, you won’t say a single damn word to her about it!   
We both know what she’s probably up to, even if YOU don’t want to admit to it!”

Olivia had sunk back down into her chair, her head resting in her hands 

“I’m not saying this to hurt you Liv, Christ, I love those kids too!  
But Alex has checked out, on all of you!  
Emotionally. Mentally..... and ..... physically....”

He paused, rounding their desks and sitting in the spot that was usually reserved for Alex, and Alex alone.

“I followed her Liv.”

Her stormy brown eyes raised to meet his, a look of fear and then acceptance crossing her beautiful features.

“She went to a hotel.”

He watched her closely.

“The night she told you she was working through the night on a case the other week, she lied.  
YOU KNOW SHE LIED.   
She went to the Ascot Hotel, dressed, well .... it certainly wasn’t in her normal attire, and as she collected her room key card from reception, she was told that her ‘partner’ had already checked in and was waiting for her .... and then, .... they asked her if she would like a romantic breakfast for 2 delivered to their deluxe jacuzzi suite in the morning, or would just the champagne and strawberries, which had already been pre-ordered to coincide with her arrival suffice.... ”

Olivia felt like her heart was breaking.  
It was one thing to merely suspect her wife’s infidelity, but when it was laid out in front of her – well, that was another thing entirely.

“Doesn’t mean anything El.  
Partner?  
You’re MY partner .... and WE get breakfast together ALL the time – does that mean WE’RE having an affair now?”

She wished her voice sounded more confident, but she knew, as did he, that she was clutching at straws.

“Seriously?  
THAT'S your come back?”

He shook his head wearily as he continued to stare her down. 

She looked like hell. 

For years now he had come to terms with the fact that she would never be his, but it didn’t mean that he was blind. 

She was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen – always had been, and 10 years together in a stressful and sometimes combative ‘work marriage' had done little to diminish that thought. 

The fact that she was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside, as well as being able to kick his ass and out shoot him, was just the icing on the cake.

But, he could honestly say that right here, and right now, she looked like shit. 

Her usually shining hair, that flowed softly in waves around her wonderfully expressive face was now scraped back in a messy, lifeless ponytail. 

Her chocolate coloured eyes, which were usually sparkling with laughter, a keen intelligent and wicked sense of humour were now dull, with bags beneath them and they looked haunted – which even when work provided them with having to deal with the most heinous crimes imaginable did not cause them to look quite so bad. 

Her usually flawless olive skin, which usually glowed, even when free of make up, was now sallow and her cheeks hollow thanks to the weight she had recently lost – weight she did not need to lose, but which came from always putting everyone and everything before herself, especially now.

“I’m worried about you liv.  
I’m worried, and for some reason you won’t let me help or support you.  
You KNOW what she’s doing!  
Hell, WE ALL do!”

At that statement her head popped up.

“We’re ‘Detectives' Liv, or, had you forgotten that?  
It’s not like she’s even TRYING to hide it anymore – you know we’ve got your back here and Casey’s doing her best to squash the rumours at Hogan Place....” 

Elliot, paused, realising too late that maybe, just maybe, he had said too much.  
Olivia was nothing if not proud, so the fact that SO many people knew of her wife’s antics, and that SO many people were involved in trying to preserve her dignity would rock her very foundations.

“What the hell, Elliot!! How could you!?!”

Olivia was furious. 

She felt like the whole NYPD and Justice system must be laughing at her.  
And it hurt.  
Oh fuck, did it hurt. 

She could imagine their comments – a rapist's and alcoholic’s daughter daring to think that she could ever be worthy of being with a high society, old money socialite was NEVER going to work. 

“I don’t need this shit!  
Keep the hell out of my business Elliot, I mean it!, or we're done – professionally and personally!”

If the Captain hadn’t of entered the room to distract them, Elliot was 80% sure that Olivia would have shot him if she had to, just to make him stop.

“Stabler, Benson, our perp just got picked up trying to rob a convenience store down town.  
He’s being brought in now. Huang thinks maybe it might be best if Olivia takes lead on this – might break him quicker to see a woman in power having control over him....”

The room was silent. Fin glanced up from his computer and Munch paused in sipping the sludge he called coffee.

“Yo Cap! Why not let me and my bony ass partner here take a crack at him,” he glanced at Munch, signalling his real intentions without using words.

“Yeah, we can take him, and if not, then send Liv in as back up. She’s been here the longest of us over this case, I’m sure she wants to go see her kids before they’re old enough to start college,” sassed Munch.

"I can still do my job," Olivia's tone was like ice, as she talked towards the interview room.

It was less than 40 minutes later that Elliot's cell began to ring.

“Stabler"

“Hello, Detective Stabler, this is Sandy, Noah’s Key worker.”

“Is he ok? Is everything ok?”

“Well, we had been trying to get hold of Detective Benson.”

“She’s in the middle of a time sensitive interview at the moment, but I’m Noah’s uncle, as well as Olivia’s partner, so anything I can do, just say the word.”

“I’m so sorry to disturb you at work, but as we aren’t able to reach his primary caregivers, you are down as an emergency contact.  
We really feel that Noah needs to go to either the emergency room or to see his paediatrician immediately.  
As, I said to Mrs Benson’s wife yesterday, with his history of asthma and breathing difficulties it’s best to get him checked.”

“Ok, so you need me to tell Liv that Noah is on his way to get checked out with Alex?” he queried, a little confused.

“Not exactly...... erm, ....well, we have a note on file to say her wife is down as main contact for next few days...... but, as yet we’ve had no further response to our calls or messages to Mrs Cabot since lunchtime, when she informed us that she was ...... too busy to come collect Noah.”

He could hear the trepidation in her voice.

“And as I mentioned to her yesterday evening, when she finally showed up.  
Noah really shouldn’t have been brought in to daycare today – especially with his temperature and cough that he was still exhibiting from yesterday.”

Elliot felt his fist unconsciously clench in anger.

“Look, Detective Stabler, I’m going to be blunt with you – if it wasn’t for the fact that WE know Olivia, thanks to us providing care for Evie, and it’s always been clear what a kind, caring and responsible parent she is – well, we would have alerted child services to recent events.....”

Elliot cleared his throat before speaking.

“And I’m sure that she appreciates your discretion on that matter.  
We both know that Olivia takes nothing as serious as the health, happiness and wellbeing of her children.”

“That is VERY obvious to us Detective Stabler ..... and Mrs Benson’s behaviour has NEVER been in question ....”

“What are you trying to say exactly?”

“Perhaps it’s not my place to judge another person’s motives, but it certainly IS my responsibility to raise concerns regarding the care of those unable to care for themselves..... so that is what I am doing.....”

“We’re on our way to come and collect the little man right now.”

“What about, I mean, didn’t you say Mrs Benson was in the middle of an important interview?”

“Now it’s my turn to be blunt.  
Sandy, was it?  
Liv isn’t going to give a shi...., er, a second thought to ANYTHING, or anyone that comes between her and getting to her son ..... and then getting him to the care he needs.  
And THAT includes her wife.  
You got me?”

“Loud and clear Detective. We’ll be ready when you both get here.”

\----------------------

In the dimly lit kitchen Olivia pondered over her daughter’s reluctance to say where exactly her ‘momma' was.  
It not something she wanted her daughter to become used to – feeling torn, or having to hide things.  
It was not something any child should be coerced into doing.

But maybe Evie genuinely had no idea where Alex was.

If truth be told, some nights Olivia had absolutely no idea where her erstwhile wife actually was ..... and it’s not like Alex made any attempt to let her know either. 

But Olivia was an adult.  
She was able to deal with her frustrations at her wife’s unreasonable behaviour.... a 5yr old child was not – hence Evie's recent clinginess and issues with food. 

It was like everything suddenly slotted into place, and the puzzle that had become her life was nearly complete .... and she didn’t like what it was portraying.

She had a decision to make – and, so now, after tonight, Olivia knew without a shred of doubt that things had to change.  
Her children’s mental, emotional and physical wellbeing was not something she could OR would gamble with.

Because, though this time it was little more than a cut finger, mixed with a LOT of shock ..... it COULD HAVE been SO much worse.  
It was a thought she almost couldn’t bear to contemplate.

As Olivia cut the crusts off the sandwich, added some carrot sticks and dip on the side and then filled Evie’s favourite green beaker with milk, she tried again to find out from Evie where Alex was.

“Honey? Where’s momma?  
I’m sure if you told her you were hungry she would have fixed you something.  
Were you by yourself till I came home?”

Evie picked at the band aid covering her tiny finger, her face downward and her voice a tiny whisper.

“I not sup-po-sed to say....”

It was more telling than if she had outwardly lied to Olivia’s face. 

Evie always told her mommy EVERYTHING, she always had.... whatever popped into her little head she shared..... until Alex had left her and Noah alone that first time.  
That was the only time that Evie had ever tried to keep a secret from her Mommy and it had torn the little girl apart.

“Well, baby, you know that we don’t have secrets – you know that you can tell mommy anything and mommy will never be mad or angry at you.  
Remember we talked about that? Huh?”

She watched Evie slowly nod. 

“I wet-ted my pjs mommy .....”

That was NOT what Olivia was expecting as a response. 

It was then that she noticed her daughter was wearing mismatched pyjamas, and that the bottoms were on inside out.

Olivia scooped her up and settled her carefully on her hip.  
She then handed Evie her beaker of milk and swiped the plastic plate containing the sandwich from the countertop, making her way back through to the family room, where Noah was hopefully still sleeping.

She sat herself on the soft beige couch, settling Evie comfortably on her lap and handed her a small square of her sandwich.

Evie practically inhaled it, barely even chewing it before it was gone.

“Baby, slow down!  
You need to chew it properly.  
It’s not going anywhere, and if you’re still hungry after this one then Mommy will just make you another. Ok?”

Evie fidgeted in her lap, but nodded, before taking another square of sandwich from her mother and chewing it properly this time.

“So, my big girl changed her pjs?  
When did you get so smart, huh?”

Evie tensed, but Olivia continued trying to reassure her, and in doing so, hopefully succeed in getting her to talk more about what had happened.

“Did you put the wet ones in the hamper?”

Big blue eyes stared up at her and Olivia had to strain to hear her daughter’s soft voice.

“No.... I hid-ded dem .....”

“You hid them?”

Evie nodded, before taking another bite of her sandwich, snuggling against her mother’s warm chest.

“Can you tell me where you hid them?  
Then Mommy can put them in the washer for you and they can be nice and clean again.”

This was obviously not the way Evie thought the conversation was going to go, and she looked at her in absolute confusion.

“You not mad, mommy?”

“Why would I be mad?  
It was an accident, that’s all. Right?  
We all have accidents.”

Evie looked at her wide eyed, before she giggled.

“What?”  
Olivia smiled at her daughter, gently tickling her.  
“Are you laughing at mommy?  
Huh? huh?  
You don’t think mommy can accidentally pee her pjs too?  
Huh? Huh?” she teased her daughter, happy to see the cheeky and loving child that she was used to.

“Mommies don’t pee pee in pi-jamas, silly!” Evie chuckled, but had placed her little hands on either side of her mother’s face and was watching her carefully.

“Hmmm, ok, but IF mommy did pee in her jammies, then she would put them in the hamper and not hide them.  
Or, I would tell my Mommy.”

She watched as Evie dropped her hands, her eyes downcast once more.

“But I no pee dem when you here mommy.”

Olivia needed a moment to digest that little fact.  
But Evie quickly continued.

“They is un-da my bed.”

Olivia reached for her hands and softly kissed them before placing them back on her olive cheeks.

“Wow!  
That’s a GREAT hiding spot baby!  
Mommy would NEVER have found them there!  
How did you think of that?”

Evie rubbed her small hands over Olivia’s lips, giggling again when she blew a raspberry against them to help lighten the mood. 

She then handed Evie another piece of sandwich, taking advantage of the fact that her daughter was actively wanting to eat.

“Did you tell momma where you hid them?  
I bet she’d be surprised at your secret hiding spot too.”

“No,” Evie seemed to ponder her answer before continuing; “she no care.”

Olivia had to school her features, a task that, despite her police training, was harder to do in front of her innocent 5yr old than a 200lb perp.

“I ha-ved LOTS of dem hid-ded,” Evie now confided in her, seemingly confident that her mommy wouldn’t be mad.

“You do, huh?? Lots?”

“Uh-huh,” Evie nodded at her.

“Hmmm, do you think you can tell mommy why you hid them?”

“Cause ....,” and she took another big bite of her sandwich, “.... cause momma was mad when I, when I, did-ded what I did-ded and ....” she took another bite, “....and she said ....” she looked hesitantly at the door of the master bedroom, as if checking that it was still closed, before she lent into Olivia and whispered, “.... I was a silly, silly, silly lit-tle baby.”

Olivia struggled to maintain her temper, only Evie now chomping on her carrot sticks brought her out of her haze.

“Well, I’m sure Momma didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” 

The words almost choked her.

“Momma loves you, just like Mommy does. Ok?”

“I don’t fink so mommy,” came Evie's steadfast response.

“You don’t? Why's that, baby girl?”

Evie shrugged.

“Is it because Momma went out tonight and left you .... here, waiting for me?”

She watched Evie glance behind her and she turned in her seat, following the direction of her gaze.  
The door to the master suite was still closed, but there was a strip of light clearly showing from under the door.

Olivia turned around, reaching to the small coffee table and handing Evie her beaker now that she had finished eating.

They sat in silence for a moment, as Evie guzzled her milk, and Olivia ran her fingers through her soft brown curls.

“Evie. Is Momma in the bedroom?”

Evie nodded, as she continued to drink her milk.

Olivia wasn’t sure what pissed her off more.  
The fact that Alex had retreated to their bedroom, closing the door and neglecting to feed or care for their young child in her absence...... or the fact that she had not even bothered to check the cause of the crash or sobs of that child.

Evie handed Olivia her empty beaker and snuggled against her again, as if seeking further reassurance.

“Mommy?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Am I a bad girl?” 

She felt Evie hold her breath as she waited for Olivia’s answer.

“No, honey, you’re not.”

“Ok,” came Evie’s response.  
To her Olivia’s response was the absolute truth.

“Mommy?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I don’t want a dad-dy.  
I just want you .... and No-ah. Ok?”

Olivia struggled to swallow, having to cough slightly to clear her throat.

“You are always going to have me, baby.  
ALWAYS.  
You NEVER have to worry about that. Ok?”

“ ‘kay, mommy.”

The fact that Evie had not included Alex in her request was another sign that all was not well.

“Mommy?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“What about... a dad-dee?” she whispered. 

“Hmm, well baby, you are super special and you and Noah have 2 mommies!  
How lucky is that!”

She tried to instil a tone of amazement in her words, wanting Evie to know that there was nothing wrong with having 2 mommies.  
But she felt Evie shake her head, her brown curls bouncing everywhere.

“Nope, nope, nope,” she sing songed at her mother.

“I no want 2 .... I just wan-ted you, mommy. Just you.”

She started to become upset again.

“Pwease mommy! Pwease! Just you! Mommy!!”

“Hey, hey! Baby! Calm down!”

She turned her daughter so that she was now straddling her hips and she wrapped her arms around her, feeling Evie bury her tear-stained face against her neck.  
She could feel Evie’s rosebud lips fluttering against her skin as she continued to sob; “just you mommy! Pwease! Pwease! No dad-dee. Just you! Just you!”

Olivia was pretty sure that there was nothing in any parenting manual that could prepare you for this ... or what to do if it did occur.

What was she supposed to say?  
What was she supposed to do?

She made to get up from the couch, lifting Evie along with her.

“Nooooooo!!” Evie clutched at her, almost to the point of pain.

“Don’t go! Mooommmmyyy! Don’t leave me!! Pwease, mommy, pwease!”

She tightened her arms around Evie.

“Baby, I’m NEVER going anywhere, ok?  
And anywhere I do go, you, YOU, will be right there with me.”

Although Evie was still hyperventilating, she had released her painful grip on Olivia’s neck.

“How about you and Noah come sleep in mommy and momma’s bed tonight?  
And we can snuggle whilst you tell Noah his story. Does that sound good?

She made her way slowly to the bedroom door.

“No!” Evie stage whispered.

“We not sup-po-sed to open da door when it not open...... SHE...” Olivia sighed at the fact that Evie wouldn’t address Alex as momma now,  
“...SHE told-ed me not to.  
Not when ...., not when....” Evie was babbling now, but Olivia knew if she ever wanted Evie to tell her what happened then she had to let her do it in her own way, and in her own time.

“..... not when, ....” and she toyed with Olivia’s hair, “.... her fwend is here.”

If Olivia had to describe just one emotion that was coursing through her body she would struggle.  
The multitude of thoughts, feelings and emotions were nearly overwhelming her and it was by sheer determination alone that she was still standing, let alone still breathing.

She continued walking, feeling Evie tense again the closer they came to the closed door, and as she passed it completely it was then that she heard the low, sexual moans of her wife and ‘her friend’ resonating through the wood.

“How about, me, you and Noah go on a little holiday?”

Evie’s little head popped up, and she regarded Olivia carefully as she sucked her small thumb.

“Just us?” she queried, the words a little mumbled due to her thumb still remaining firmly in her mouth.

“Yes, baby. Just us.”

“ ‘Kay, mommy.”


End file.
